Best Excuses

A while back, I would say about two years ago, I was once 17 years old.  My best friend, Brenna JoAnn, and I were on our way to Columbus, Nebraska, and we decided to write up an excuse book for the future, and possibly get it published in 30 or 40 years from now.  I came across the list and decided to make it public for those who are in a dire need of an excuse.  These are quite comical in the end, but we never once regret any of them.

The Best Excuses To Use by Brenna Jones and Brandi Boden:

1. the best excuse to use when your leaving town and going two hours away and you cant ask your mom cuz you know the anwser will be NO!

“Hey mom im going over to ‘insert friends name here’ to watch movies”

OR, Hey mom im gonna go to ‘insert town thats like 30 min away’ to go to the mall and hang out with some friends that came into town.

2. When you have a curfew and you know that your not going to make it home in time, when your mom calls either you ignore the phone call (this is only if your parents arnt crazy and arnt gonna the the cops and have a amber alert for you) or just shut off your phone, OR you could also just anwser the phone and use the excuse ‘insert friends name here’ is having a super bad day and needs me to stay to talk to him/her (sometimes that one will work)

3. When you leave town and staying in a diffrent town when your parents told you “No”, just simply say, hey mom im gonna go over to ‘insert friends name here’ and watch movies and prolly stay the night, sometimes itll work and then when the parents keep calling to check up on you, just wishper and say “hey i really cant talk at the moment were watching the movie”,

4. When you decide to ditch school and your parents find out about it (or just one class) simply blame the teacher and pull the classic “well the teacher dont like me” or “i was like 3 min late and they already took count of who was there”, or “i was in the batchroom cuz i didnt feel good” or the classic “i was there i dont know why they didnt count me ill talk to the teacher tomrrow and figure it out”, and thats when the parents drop it.

5. Or when you have the days and want to just play hookie and get out of school, pretend to feel supppper sick and dont act like your usaule self, and for the girls just act like your getting your period and your suffering from hardcore cramping and cant move, and tell your mom you need a crap ton of midol and a gun to shoot yourself with. and then most of the time the parents will call you in (just dont over use this excuse they will catch on)

6. When you forget your homework (ok you just didnt do it) and the teacher asks for it, just pull the whole sad looking face and say your cat (or anyother animal) had died and you and your family were very upset about it, or just say that you had a super bad day and just didnt get it finished and you’d have it in by the next morning, also you could say that you forgot it in your car or you think your sister (or whoever) must of grabbed your paper insted of theres and you’ll get it to the teacher asap, (that means you better wish you have a study hall to get it done or your fucked)

7. If you go to a party and end up getting a MIP and your parents have to come get you and start yelling at you pull the whole fake tears and then the “mom i wasnt drinking i swear the cop just didnt like me cuz of dad” ?(thats only if your dad was once a cop and got fired cuz no one liked him) and then she’ll believe you (=

just make sure your super good at lying and your attorney will fall for it (=

8. Oh if you need a pack of smokes and your super broke, just call your mom or dad which ever one favors you the most and pull the whole “insert sad voice and face” daaad i dont have any lunch money tomorrow for school do you think i can have like 3 or 4 bucks so i can get lunch, and then BAM you got smokes!

9. And then when your in your room doin the dirty and your mom knocks on the door, just throw on sumthen that is close and anwser the door and just say mom we just making out i swear on my life (LOL)

and then tell her that your sorry and make the dude leave (hes a peice of shit anyways)

10. When you want to leave town and neither you nor your friend can go, you both just pull the “hey im staying the night at so and sos house tonight” and then you guys can go. oh and then when you run out of gas on the interstate DONT panic call your kool kick ass brother (= he will save you.

11. When you go out and get super trashed and have a little hangover and go home and your parents ask whats wrong just say that you stayed up all night over at whos ever house you were staying at and got no sleep and that you just didnt feel too good during the night. OR if your allergic to some kind of animal just say that they had a cat and it irritated you a bit (= same if you get super high (lmao)

12.  When your in desperate need of chash pull the whole can i BARROW (key word) some money and just never pay them back (only works with parents)

13. When theres that one annoying person that wont leave you alone and keeps asking you to hang out and you really dont want too just pull the whole “my mom said i cant tonight maybe someothertime” or “hey i cant hang out tonight i have to leave town cuz my grandma got super sick” and just never call them back and just avoid them as much as possible

14. When you have that one sneeky boyfriend that lives out of town, and you two make plans to see each other and he pulls the “hey i cant hang out i have a wedding to go too” ignore it and just go anyways and then youll catch him in the act of whats called cheating or trying, just make sure you make contact with the other chicka at first and set up a place you both can meet and wait for the worthless peice of shit to show up (its fun)

15. Sqouija

16. Pretend you can hear voices in your head… nuff said…

17. When a state trooper pulls you over and he asks if you have any drugs or weapons in the car.. just say no!

18. AND if he forgets to ask you if you have drugs or weapons in the car remind him and reasure him that you do not!

19. OR when he asks you if you were smoking dont anwser, and if he asks why do you smoke just simply respond with the “cuz i smoke”

20. When you go into your kitchen and see a energy drink in the fridge and your drink it and your mom comes home asking where it went blame it on the foster kids.. or loopy

21. OR when theres cookies sitting there and you eat them and everyone asks where they went blame it on Zach

22. When you want to sneek out or be supppper late for your curfew and you know that your parents are sleeping just make sure your super chill with your brother hell let you in the house at 4am…

23.

Not entirely finished, and not entirely appropriate for some, but you get the gist of it.